Blah

Well, not much is going on... no one is talking to me... so here I am. Sitting around, getting a little tired and wishing I wasn't. No part of me wants to go upstairs to sleep. I've slept too much today as it is... I'm always tired... I'm sick of it. Sick and tired of being sick and tired. Everyone around me is letting me down... Sometimes I'm selfish.. I want people to focus on me... but no one really does. It's been that way most of my life. I know that sounds whiney... but hey, it's how I feel. I've made a few new friends that seem fed up with me. I'm just... blah. I feel so depressed and upset. I don't really know why, I just don't like where I am right now. I've been dwelling on it a lot. If I'm going to be honest- I'm upset with two people, two people that treat me like I'm shit. Well, kind of... They ignore me when it's good for them, when they want something they're there. I know sometimes these two people are really great, but... not the friends I want. I've delt with people like them before. There were these two girls in high school, both lesbians. The one in my class hit on me all the time and even tried to date me while dating the other girl. Manipulative people. The other girl was homeless for awhile, she stayed with me. She used me as long as it was good for her. The only redeming quality about her was that she came to my rescue once, probably saving my life. I will always be grateful. But I will not help her ever again. I don't like being around those people. They make me feel bad. The one friend ignores me when I try to talk to them. I don't like it... I feel like I'm just being used again. I know I don't even count as a friend to them. It's stupid... I'm tired of being me. I'm tired of being me... of this situation, of being lonely and depending on other people.
There's this show I like, it's called Bones. It's about a woman that's an anthropologist. She's so smart, intelligent (im sure i didnt even spell that right), beautiful, independent... everything I'm not. It's nice to write and make up stories so I don't have to be me anymore. I can be anyone. And maybe that's what keeps me in my world. Alone. Completely alone.